Love

Wow. Sad. Cool.


Untitled by Felix Gonzalez-Torres

From the Art Institute of Chicago's web-page:

This installation is an allegorical portrait of the artist’s partner, Ross Laycock, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1991. The 175 pounds of candy corresponds to Ross's ideal body weight. While on display in our contemporary galleries, viewers are encouraged to help themselves. As the pile diminishes, candies are replaced.

(Thanks for the photo, Penn)

Love vs. Life?

Another post prompted by Chad - would I choose to meet my soul mate knowing he would die in 5 years or not and avoid the pain of the loss? I'd leave a comment over at UP but this is going to be a bit long, so you, my loyal readers, get my answer instead.

If by meeting him I would somehow cause him to die in 5 years the answer would be no. Like one commenter, the guilt of causing someone's death wouldn't be worth it for me. If we assume that my special someone is doomed anyway then...

Short answer: I don't know.

Long answer: The whole "loved and lost" thing is an iffy proposition for me. I've been there and I'm not sure it was worth it. You may quibble about the ability of college students to really be in love and protest that he obviously wasn't my soul-mate since it didn't work out, but he was the best friend I've ever had and the only man I've been in love with. I often think that not knowing what it was like to be in love would be better than knowing it's been taken away. I'm terrified of being rejected like that again. I don't think I could construe dying as a judgment on my worthiness as a life partner, so that part of the loss wouldn't be there. But knowing how good it was and missing all of that would still be there. I'm not sure it'd be worth it.

Wow, am I lucky!

I thought my family was crazy but these two, Evan at Mutant Babies (formerly of Atheist's Wager) and Female Science Professor have shown me they could be much worse.

Thank you Mom and Dad for raising us so that by the time we were out of our teens we, mostly, didn't resort to petty fighting. (Wish I could say you are still setting a good example but the whole thing with Pat is just silly on both sides.) And for raising us so that we would never suggest throwing a glass of cold water in a toddlers face to calm him down. I doubt there is a parent of a grown child out there who never wanted to do something similar to his child at some point but at least we wouldn't suggest anyone else do it and wouldn't actually do it. Particularly to a 1-yr old.

Thank you for teaching me that I could do and be anything I wanted. I never doubted that I could be a geologist. I'll also take the liberty of thanking you on behalf of my sister-in-laws (present and former) for teaching my brothers how to wash clothes, do dishes, pick up after themselves, and cook. They may not be primarily responsible for these household chores but they do know how to and can help out.

FSP's family is so different than mine. I'm a little amazed she is a science professor coming from a family with such rigid gender roles. What her family must think of her and her husband's life?!? I sometimes forget how wonderful my family is. When we get together, everybody is in and out of the kitchen, fixing food, cleaning up, playing with little ones,...no


I don't know how deeply entrenched the gender roles in FSP's family or if she was encouraged by her family much in school but I'd like to tell you about my family. I had a shirt when I was little that said "Girls can do anything" and they made sure I knew it.

Mom's father, Paw Paw, had a hard time with Granny working (A man-of-his-position's wife volunteers and plays bridge, she does not work.) but he always supported my mom. When she went to college, she assumed she'd be a teacher (the other option was nurse, and WOW do you not want my mother to be your nurse). Even though she was married and had kids her parent's encouraged her in her education. When she realized school teacher was not her calling and went to graduate school, Paw Paw couldn't have been prouder, I'm sure. I know he was proud when she got the appointment at UAB. When she and her first husband separated and then divorced, he always supported her. (Of course he also thought Mom had hung the moon.) He never took me to see the trains. He took Pat, even though he'd been retired for several years. But I was a girl and why would I want to go see his trains? Still, he believed I could be anything. (Paw Paw thought the sun rose and set in my eyes, which is OK since I thought same about him. Hell, he thought that about all of four of his grandkids, his daughter, and wife.)

I don't know where my dad learned to be such a good man (Grandpa died when I was 3) but he is. He treats me like I'm still 12, but he's pretty good. He was even a stay at home Dad for awhile. As soon as I discovered geology he was all for it. If I'd wanted to study slugs, he'd have been right there, too. My brothers and sister, of course, have always encouraged me and are proud of me, their sister the scientist.

I don't know where I'd be without them.

Lots and Locks of Love

My sister is awesome!

About a month ago her BFF donated her hair to Locks of Love. Nettie wanted to donate but was also relieved when Mom said her pony tail wasn't 10 inches long and so she couldn't yet.

Jump to yesterday. Mom stops by Kidz Kuts to get Nettie's bangs trimmed. Nettie asks the hairdresser if her hair is long enough to donate and is told yes and her hair will make a great wig for a child. So she says "let's do it." Not only does is she the cutest thing EVER but on the form she wrote that she was donating in honor of our sister Anna and then donated her whole next allowance (which Mom matched and then some). Her hair pony-tail went in the envelope as they watched and it will be go out with today's mail.

I'm so proud.

A Celebration of Anna

Last weekend was a crush of family.

Friday evening, almost thirty of us ate at Robert and Patricia's house. Saturday morning about twenty of us went rode out just off Anna's favorite beach and gave her earthly remains to the sea. The family all regrouped at Riva's house for lunch. Then we had the celebration of Anna's life Saturday afternoon and we did our best to celebrate. (Much laughter was heard). I have no idea how many friends of hers joined us at Masonboro Yacht Club to enjoy each other's company and the lovely surroundings. I think it is safe to say we exceeded the maximum capacity at certain points of the evening.

I took pictures of almost all of the family (and near family) members at Robert's and the Celebration, along with some secnic shots (no not the guys on the boat, sorry). I some how missed Tom and didn't get a good picture of Betsy. You can see them here:

Anna's Memorial

Guess I'm not worring about using names anymore!

Courage vs. Cowardice vs. Inaction

Prepare yourself, it's a long one.
I read Shadowhelm's post about atheism and followed it to Atheist's Wager's. Just now I want to talk about what I felt I had to comment on and the response. (I'm surprised that I care enough about it to want to write this but I do. And this isn't really on topic of the original post, so I'll write it here). The comments (some line breaks removed):

Klej Society said...
...(First part removed because I don't think on topic for this post)...
-The Strength and Courage shown by our NY Firefighters and Police Officers
-The greater sense of Unity among Americans
-The Strengthening of Local Communities
-The Dedication to our fellow citizens shown by nearly all Americans at some level
And so you see that only from Disaster, Only from Pain and Suffering do things like Hope, Love, and Courage have any meaning.
For what would Love mean, if there was no Hatred? What would Courage mean, if there was no Cowardice? And what would Happiness mean, if there was no Pain and Suffering?
April 17, 2007 9:02 AM

Marciepooh said...
to kleg society:
Strength and courage are shown by firefighters, police officers, military personal, EMTs, and others EVERY DAY - they don't need a disaster.
Greater sense of unity? What America are you living in? That lasted about a week.
Strengthing[sic] local communities - eh, maybe, some. But why'd it take the deaths of so many?
Dedication to our fellow Americans? WTF is that?
The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference. The opposite of courage isn't cowardice but inaction. I'll give you the happiness one.

April 17, 2007 9:28 AM
Klej Society said...
@marciepooh
Here's a direct quote you just made:
"Strength and courage are shown by firefighters, police officers, military personal, EMTs, and others EVERY DAY - they don't need a disaster"
So How then do they show courage? Because I'm pretty sure it takes a fire to have a firefighter show courage! But I guess that's just my idea.
And Yes the opposite of Love is hate and the opposite of Courage is cowardice, indifference and inaction are the middle grounds!
Love and Hate, Courage and Cowardice are extremes, and Indifference and inaction require neither of both parts,
Sorry!
April 17, 2007 12:54 PM

Maybe I spoke to quickly. Maybe I just wanted to be 'short and sweet' and, therefore, didn't fully explain exactly what I meant; I will now. I think Kleg Society and I were actually talking about slightly different things (and I pretty much knew that when I commented). I hoped that KS would think about love and courage in a different light. Don't think he did.

Love/hate/indifference - the first too require that one cares, indifference means you don't care.

If one is capable of caring enough to hate then one is capable of love. Love can exist without hate. Love can be experienced without having experienced hatred. Indifference is the lack of emotion about a person, idea, or situation. It can mean one doesn't know about it or that one knows enough to care but doesn't. Indifference is not the opposite emotion to love or hate, neither is it a middle ground. It is more like the third corner in the triangle.

Courage/cowardice/inaction - the first too require judgement on the part of the observer, inaction (or action), generally, doesn't imply judgement (one either moves or not). Yes, firefighters need a fire (or other emergency situation) to demonstrate their courage. But I think many individuals exhibit a quite courage, by simply showing up for work everyday. Firefighters, police officers, military personnel, and some others agree to go into dangerous situations. They are courageous whether it that courage is ever tested in a way you and I can see because they choose to put themselves in harms way for others. There is a luxury when one is only responsible for one's self; one can make courageous decisions because no one else depends on you. Actions can sometimes seem courageous or cowardly to an observer but we don't know everything that goes into making the decision. For example, a single mother will act in the best interest of her children, even when her children are not present. She may hide rather than confront a burglar, hand over her purse rather than fight, or not sign a petition to avoid putting her job at risk. No, inaction is not exactly the opposites of courage, but who am I to judge the actions of another.

An aside: Newborns know whether they are loved or not without knowing hatred. Newborns can "fail to thrive" if they are not held enough. If the the baby "thinks" the world is indifferent to him, he won't eat, grow, or ultimately live. As individuals, many of us would not have survived our infancy if we had been cared for indifferently. A caregiver doesn't have to hate a baby for her to give up, just not care.

P.S. - I'm not cut out for posting on controversial threads. I generally dislike book length comments (although understand if you feel strongly about a topic, just don't make it a habit). I also hate being misunderstood, sounding preachy, and being nit-picky (all things I get to do here!). AND my feelings get hurt way too easily. SO I guess I'll just keep reading and occasionally do a trackback.