Last night while having dinner with CR, we briefly discussed alcohol drinking limits, teen drinking, etc. (very briefly, mostly in the context of our former teaching careers). I just checked and I don't seem to have ever written about this here before, so I thought I'd let y'all know my thoughts on this topic.
I don't think strict prohibition until the age of 21 works well. I think there's some allure of the forbidden (particularly with teens) but more importantly makes it hard for families to teach teens to drink responsibly. A progressive introduction more like the German's* have makes more sense to me. The parent of a young teen (14?) can order an alcoholic beverage for their child at a restaurant. (I doubt anyone requires documentation for the age of the child or the exact legal relationship of the adult and teen, I assume it's kind of at the discretion of the server/manager/...). Later (age 16 perhaps?) a teen can order alcoholic beverages as long as there is an adult in the party, again at a restaurant or café. At 18 one is an adult and has all the privileges thereof.
But more important than the laws are attitudes and modeling.(Please note I'm not an expert in the field, have not raised any children,...) If parents (and the rest of the family) model responsible behavior and have less of an 'all or nothing' attitude then the kids are less likely to binge drink. Notice I say "less likely" not "won't" because nothing, short of the absence of all alcohol, can completely eliminate binge drinking. Teens are, on average, impulsive, poor judges of risk, and susceptible to peer pressure - these three things together don't make teenagers the best decision makers. On the other hand they aren't completely imbecilic robots who do everything their friends say either. I think if parents drink responsibly around their kids, show a dislike for excessive drinking and talk about it, be honest about their own youthful excesses, and even let kids taste drinks if they want (did you like beer the first time you drank it?), the children will grow up with a healthier attitude toward alcohol. Research even bears this out.
I read an article (or heard a story on NPR) about a study+ that looked at first-generation Irish- and Italian-American families (parent's born in old country, kids born and raised in US). In general the Irish-American families practiced strict prohibition^ until one 18 years old; alcohol was often drunk outside the home; and drinking to drunkeness was accectable. In the Italian-American households children were given age-appropriately sized glasses of wine with dinner, alcohol was mostly drunk with the meal; and excessive drinking was not socially accectable. The researchers followed the children in these families into adulthood and the Italian-Americans were less likely to binge drink as teens and young adults and had a lower incidence of alcoholism than the Irish-Americans.
There will always be teens who get wasted every Friday night but maybe if we change our attitudes about alcohol and teens then it could be fewer?
*At least as I remember from discussions in class 15 yrs ago. And, no, I don't know about any other European nation's laws.
+If I had any idea where I'd read about this I'd link to it but I read the article at least 6 months ago.
^except for communion wine for the RCers, of course
Showing posts with label somewhat serious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label somewhat serious. Show all posts
15 January 2010
28 December 2009
Learning to Ride
No one's at work again today but I'm feeling more philosophical than crazy today. I'm listening/watching to an old Bones ep ("The Woman in the Car"). At one point Booth and Brennan are watching a video of a kid learning to ride a bike. Dad is a little nervous (his baby is growing up), kid is excited, Mom is worried. The mom keeps saying things like "Be carefull" and "don't let go" while the kid is saying "I can do it!" As the kid goes wobbling down the sidewalk, Mom says to Dad "How do we get him back?"
It occured to me that you never 'get them back' (kids that is) you just run along beside as long as possible. (note: I don't have any kids, just a much younger sister.) Parents (and older sisters) always want to hold on to their child, keep him or her at whatever age*. The job of a parent isn't to continue to hold on to the bike seat until all danger has passed. The job of a parent is to run along beside your child until you can't keep up anymore.
*Well, maybe not 11. Or 13, 15, and 17. I have a friend, who's now 25, that I've none since she was 11. The odd teenage years were not good.
It occured to me that you never 'get them back' (kids that is) you just run along beside as long as possible. (note: I don't have any kids, just a much younger sister.) Parents (and older sisters) always want to hold on to their child, keep him or her at whatever age*. The job of a parent isn't to continue to hold on to the bike seat until all danger has passed. The job of a parent is to run along beside your child until you can't keep up anymore.
*Well, maybe not 11. Or 13, 15, and 17. I have a friend, who's now 25, that I've none since she was 11. The odd teenage years were not good.
24 December 2009
Pink Rose = Friendship?
So, how's everyone? Have(ing) a nice Christmas (or whatever you celebrate)? I'm ok, except for the raging neuroses.
I guess you saw in my last post I went on a blind date. Since then we've been to lunch twice, he came to my church for our Christmas choir thing, I went to the church he attend here's Christmas choir program with a birthday dinner for our mutual friend before hand, and a random dinner* with our mutual friend, and one dinner and a movie. By my count that's 5 dates, more than I've been on in the last ten years.
All this romantic attention has my inner voices in overdrive - Am I sending the right signals? Bad body language habits! Are the signals confusing? Don't cross your arms! Smile. (not hard to do in his company) Am I sending any signals? Make eye contact. Don't ramble...- you get the picture.
Tuesday night when he walked me to my door I practically stood in it rather than let him come in. Not because I actually didn't want him to come in but because I was trying to figure out if it was too late to invite him in for coffee/tea/hot cocoa (I had to go to work the next morning) and wondering if he was going to hug me. Then he's leaning in for a hug and I'm thinking "kiss? on lips or cheek? Should I give him a peck on the cheek? hmm, his head hits right at my shoulder. Kiss now? Crap, missed my chance." Then Wednesday after the kind of random dinner I got a one-arm, diagonal, friend-hug, which starting me worrying if that meant something or not.
I've been feeling so much better the last year or so. Comfortable in my own skin, more confident, (usually) feeling competent at work, all that good stuff. This week I've gone back and forth between embarrassingly giddy because maybe a boy likes me to being terrified that I'll somehow screw this up (whatever 'this' becomes) to telling myself I'm being silly because I've known him less than a month. Basically I feel a bit like I'm 15 again. I suck at dating. Part of me wants to tell him that I haven't dated much (understatement of the year?), I'm not good at 'reading' people, etc while the rest of me shouts that bit down with "we don't want to freak him out"**, and one small part says "relax, deep breaths, you've only know him a few weeks, it will be OK, breathe damn it!"
I think the worst is those inner voices have started up their positive feedback loop of negativity, again. The loop gets interrupted when I get unambiguously good signals, like an email saying hi. (If it's not on the level of hitting me over the head with a club and dragging me back to his cave, it is up for interpretation.) Or if I distract myself, which is hard to do this time of year at work.
*Our mutual friend is the grad student who does fieldwork with me, RA. I was dropping RA off after field work about 5 and he'd invited me to eat with them, then mention CR would be there... I'm hoping CR didn't think it was weird I showed up.
**God help me if he finds this blog - he'll think I'm completely insane. Maybe I should have picked more anonymous screen name, made this a more truly anonymous blog. Too late now.
I guess you saw in my last post I went on a blind date. Since then we've been to lunch twice, he came to my church for our Christmas choir thing, I went to the church he attend here's Christmas choir program with a birthday dinner for our mutual friend before hand, and a random dinner* with our mutual friend, and one dinner and a movie. By my count that's 5 dates, more than I've been on in the last ten years.
All this romantic attention has my inner voices in overdrive - Am I sending the right signals? Bad body language habits! Are the signals confusing? Don't cross your arms! Smile. (not hard to do in his company) Am I sending any signals? Make eye contact. Don't ramble...- you get the picture.
Tuesday night when he walked me to my door I practically stood in it rather than let him come in. Not because I actually didn't want him to come in but because I was trying to figure out if it was too late to invite him in for coffee/tea/hot cocoa (I had to go to work the next morning) and wondering if he was going to hug me. Then he's leaning in for a hug and I'm thinking "kiss? on lips or cheek? Should I give him a peck on the cheek? hmm, his head hits right at my shoulder. Kiss now? Crap, missed my chance." Then Wednesday after the kind of random dinner I got a one-arm, diagonal, friend-hug, which starting me worrying if that meant something or not.
I've been feeling so much better the last year or so. Comfortable in my own skin, more confident, (usually) feeling competent at work, all that good stuff. This week I've gone back and forth between embarrassingly giddy because maybe a boy likes me to being terrified that I'll somehow screw this up (whatever 'this' becomes) to telling myself I'm being silly because I've known him less than a month. Basically I feel a bit like I'm 15 again. I suck at dating. Part of me wants to tell him that I haven't dated much (understatement of the year?), I'm not good at 'reading' people, etc while the rest of me shouts that bit down with "we don't want to freak him out"**, and one small part says "relax, deep breaths, you've only know him a few weeks, it will be OK, breathe damn it!"
I think the worst is those inner voices have started up their positive feedback loop of negativity, again. The loop gets interrupted when I get unambiguously good signals, like an email saying hi. (If it's not on the level of hitting me over the head with a club and dragging me back to his cave, it is up for interpretation.) Or if I distract myself, which is hard to do this time of year at work.
*Our mutual friend is the grad student who does fieldwork with me, RA. I was dropping RA off after field work about 5 and he'd invited me to eat with them, then mention CR would be there... I'm hoping CR didn't think it was weird I showed up.
**God help me if he finds this blog - he'll think I'm completely insane. Maybe I should have picked more anonymous screen name, made this a more truly anonymous blog. Too late now.
04 December 2009
Please Note:
As I mentioned the other day I've turned on comment moderation for older posts. (I've had a handful of spam comments.) I'd like to point out that I will probably reject any comments not in English without even trying to figure out what it they says*.
Thank you.
BTW, the spambot trying to comment in Japanses on Ig/Met Pet Question - please go away.
*grammar fixed now
Thank you.
BTW, the spambot trying to comment in Japanses on Ig/Met Pet Question - please go away.
*grammar fixed now
30 October 2009
50/50?
Short Geologist asked about male/female ratios where we work. My answer was going to be a bit long, so I'm making a whole post.
At the engineering consulting firm (where I did UST and SWPA work) I was one of 4 women "professionals" (a geologist, an engineer, a chemist, and an environmental scientist), so total for "professionals" was about 4:12; there were far more women then men in the office but the rest were drafters, secretaries, personnel manager, office manager, book keeper... As far as I know there were no women on the survey crews (those crews probably brought the total male/female back up to 50/50).
Back in grad school the ratio was close to 40:60ish, a few more males than females (students only).
Where I am now there are 9 female geologist and chemists (iirc, she actually does programming for us) and 50 male geologists, biologists, and engineers. My division is 3:4 and our building (next door to most of the Survey) is 4:9, plus one volunteer lady geologist*. When I counted up my co-workers from the phone list I was kind of surprised there were actually that few women scientists. It always seems like there are more women here but in my mind I'm probably including all the support staff (accounting, personnel,...), which is mostly female. Lots of the men work either for the OGB or on the 3rd floor where I rarely go and so usually only see all those folks at holiday luncheons.
I've noticed a difference in conference attendance. When I went to the American Association of Petroleum Geologist's meeting there were definitely more men than women but at the Geological Society of America meetings I've been to (all 2 of them) it was more even. There's a small (200 people?) symposium here every spring on coalbed methane and shale gas. When I was a student my (now) boss' wife and I would be among the very few women there. (No line at the bathrooms!) now the numbers of women are creeping up. That meeting is probably still in the 25:75 range. The field trip my boss runs for that meeting is the only time I've seen men crash the ladies bathroom (1-holers at a gas station). Not uncommon for the van drivers and I to be the only women.
At the consulting job I spent most of my time in the office writing up other's reports because the guy (an engineer, who once described a sand as "well sorted, fine to coarse grained") could help our drill crew lift augers, 70lb bags of sack-crete, etc. and all I 'could' do was describe the soil. The only time I really was uncomfortable about being a lady geologist was the job with the driller who hit on me, obnoxiously, for 3 days straight. My (then) boss and his mostly thought it was funny and were laying bets as to when I'd slug the jerk. (It's surprising he managed to get the hole straight because he spent almost all of his time looking at me - and I'm not terribly attractive in field clothes and a hardhat.)
Male/female ratios aren't something I've ever worried a whole lot about. That is partly due to the fact that I've had good role models, also, with 5 brothers it doesn't bother me to be "one of the guys". Besides, I have it so much easier than it used to be. My boss' wife (a geologist) was once denied a job because they didn't have a ladies room in the building. At that time, she had a job where she had a 10 minute walk to the closest ladies room.
*with only 2 one-holers, one non-climate controlled, for us ladies!
At the engineering consulting firm (where I did UST and SWPA work) I was one of 4 women "professionals" (a geologist, an engineer, a chemist, and an environmental scientist), so total for "professionals" was about 4:12; there were far more women then men in the office but the rest were drafters, secretaries, personnel manager, office manager, book keeper... As far as I know there were no women on the survey crews (those crews probably brought the total male/female back up to 50/50).
Back in grad school the ratio was close to 40:60ish, a few more males than females (students only).
Where I am now there are 9 female geologist and chemists (iirc, she actually does programming for us) and 50 male geologists, biologists, and engineers. My division is 3:4 and our building (next door to most of the Survey) is 4:9, plus one volunteer lady geologist*. When I counted up my co-workers from the phone list I was kind of surprised there were actually that few women scientists. It always seems like there are more women here but in my mind I'm probably including all the support staff (accounting, personnel,...), which is mostly female. Lots of the men work either for the OGB or on the 3rd floor where I rarely go and so usually only see all those folks at holiday luncheons.
I've noticed a difference in conference attendance. When I went to the American Association of Petroleum Geologist's meeting there were definitely more men than women but at the Geological Society of America meetings I've been to (all 2 of them) it was more even. There's a small (200 people?) symposium here every spring on coalbed methane and shale gas. When I was a student my (now) boss' wife and I would be among the very few women there. (No line at the bathrooms!) now the numbers of women are creeping up. That meeting is probably still in the 25:75 range. The field trip my boss runs for that meeting is the only time I've seen men crash the ladies bathroom (1-holers at a gas station). Not uncommon for the van drivers and I to be the only women.
At the consulting job I spent most of my time in the office writing up other's reports because the guy (an engineer, who once described a sand as "well sorted, fine to coarse grained") could help our drill crew lift augers, 70lb bags of sack-crete, etc. and all I 'could' do was describe the soil. The only time I really was uncomfortable about being a lady geologist was the job with the driller who hit on me, obnoxiously, for 3 days straight. My (then) boss and his mostly thought it was funny and were laying bets as to when I'd slug the jerk. (It's surprising he managed to get the hole straight because he spent almost all of his time looking at me - and I'm not terribly attractive in field clothes and a hardhat.)
Male/female ratios aren't something I've ever worried a whole lot about. That is partly due to the fact that I've had good role models, also, with 5 brothers it doesn't bother me to be "one of the guys". Besides, I have it so much easier than it used to be. My boss' wife (a geologist) was once denied a job because they didn't have a ladies room in the building. At that time, she had a job where she had a 10 minute walk to the closest ladies room.
*with only 2 one-holers, one non-climate controlled, for us ladies!
28 September 2009
Read, Read a Book, Read a Book Right Now*
Preferably a banned book, as it is Banned Books Week. I don't know which books I have on my shelf and which I don't so instead of following Sarah's example I'll examine the lists of most challenged/banned books from 2001-2008. Of those I've read:
Captain Underpants
Bridge to Terabithia
Julie of the Wolves
His Dark Materials series
Harry Potter series
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Of Mice and Men
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
The Color Purple
I've put these in approximate age of readers. Captain Underpants is a beginning chapter book, I think, or read to your K-1st grader. I saw it was challenged for being "unsuited for age group" - well, I don't know about the people who challenged it but Mom and Nettie had the best time ever reading it together. It's the only one on the list I haven't read all of (OK, also haven't read Amber Spyglass, yet) but I think from the bits I have read/heard that it is perfect for the age group. Potty humor and burping is right up an average 6-9 yr old's alley, parent's might not always appreciate it but their kids love it. Mom and Nettie laughed the whole time.
The next three are (my impression) for late-elementary schoolers. I read Bridge to Terabithia and Julie of the Wolves in 6th grade, both for discussion/book reports. I'll admit that 6th grade was a while ago, so my memory may not be perfect but violence? I don't remember any particular violence in either. In BtT the kids have a fantasy world with battles against imaginary foes - you can't have kings and queens without dragons - but, in my mind, that's different than 'real' violence. It wasn't gratuitous or glorified. In JotW, Julie's village hunts, the wolf pack she joins hunts, but I can't for the life of me come up with any other potential violence to complain about. Maybe I've forgotten a bunch in the intervening 20 years? IDK, IDU either.
His Dark Materials is somewhat anti-church (in my reading really more anti-establishment or anti-dogma than anti-Christianity despite, perhaps, the author's intent) and this would make it a target of many book banners. Don't want the kiddos asking too many questions. Yeah, there's some violence but not gory and how do you have epic battles with out some violence? How many kids are going to read a trilogy that doesn't involve a major world changing conflict? And how many of those world changing conflicts are going to not involve a war? Yeah, you can do it, but the central conflict of the story needs to grab kids - war grabs kids (and adults).
It seems to me that the Harry Potter series starts as a mid- to late-elementary (3-5th grade) reading and ends as intermediate school reading (7-8th). I suspect a lot of the challenges to Harry Potter are because of the magic - inherently anti-church, if you're afraid of questions. My sister has a friend who isn't allowed to read the books or watch the movies because of this (but can watch Mary Poppins, go figure.). Yeah, there's violence. Violence with consequences and not without reason (at least for the good guys). Again the good guys are fighting evil, and Harry, et al. (due to an accident of birth) get sweep up in it. It's hard to fight evil without shedding some blood, Harry, Dumbledore or any of the other of our heroes, didn't started it but someone has to end it. BTW, sometime this happens in real life, not so much an 11 yr old kid being swept up into and being central to the resolution of the war, but bad things happen and sometimes young men and women have to go off to war - many not more than a year or two older than Harry, Hermione, and Ron in HPatDH - and kill or be killed.
I think kids can handle a little more than we tend to give them credit for. Or more than the idiots who ban books think they can. Not only can they handle people in a book fighting battles or hunting their food - they can tell the difference between reality and fantasy.
*post title is poorly purloined from RIF-Man lyrics
Captain Underpants
Bridge to Terabithia
Julie of the Wolves
His Dark Materials series
Harry Potter series
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Of Mice and Men
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
The Color Purple
I've put these in approximate age of readers. Captain Underpants is a beginning chapter book, I think, or read to your K-1st grader. I saw it was challenged for being "unsuited for age group" - well, I don't know about the people who challenged it but Mom and Nettie had the best time ever reading it together. It's the only one on the list I haven't read all of (OK, also haven't read Amber Spyglass, yet) but I think from the bits I have read/heard that it is perfect for the age group. Potty humor and burping is right up an average 6-9 yr old's alley, parent's might not always appreciate it but their kids love it. Mom and Nettie laughed the whole time.
The next three are (my impression) for late-elementary schoolers. I read Bridge to Terabithia and Julie of the Wolves in 6th grade, both for discussion/book reports. I'll admit that 6th grade was a while ago, so my memory may not be perfect but violence? I don't remember any particular violence in either. In BtT the kids have a fantasy world with battles against imaginary foes - you can't have kings and queens without dragons - but, in my mind, that's different than 'real' violence. It wasn't gratuitous or glorified. In JotW, Julie's village hunts, the wolf pack she joins hunts, but I can't for the life of me come up with any other potential violence to complain about. Maybe I've forgotten a bunch in the intervening 20 years? IDK, IDU either.
His Dark Materials is somewhat anti-church (in my reading really more anti-establishment or anti-dogma than anti-Christianity despite, perhaps, the author's intent) and this would make it a target of many book banners. Don't want the kiddos asking too many questions. Yeah, there's some violence but not gory and how do you have epic battles with out some violence? How many kids are going to read a trilogy that doesn't involve a major world changing conflict? And how many of those world changing conflicts are going to not involve a war? Yeah, you can do it, but the central conflict of the story needs to grab kids - war grabs kids (and adults).
It seems to me that the Harry Potter series starts as a mid- to late-elementary (3-5th grade) reading and ends as intermediate school reading (7-8th). I suspect a lot of the challenges to Harry Potter are because of the magic - inherently anti-church, if you're afraid of questions. My sister has a friend who isn't allowed to read the books or watch the movies because of this (but can watch Mary Poppins, go figure.). Yeah, there's violence. Violence with consequences and not without reason (at least for the good guys). Again the good guys are fighting evil, and Harry, et al. (due to an accident of birth) get sweep up in it. It's hard to fight evil without shedding some blood, Harry, Dumbledore or any of the other of our heroes, didn't started it but someone has to end it. BTW, sometime this happens in real life, not so much an 11 yr old kid being swept up into and being central to the resolution of the war, but bad things happen and sometimes young men and women have to go off to war - many not more than a year or two older than Harry, Hermione, and Ron in HPatDH - and kill or be killed.
I think kids can handle a little more than we tend to give them credit for. Or more than the idiots who ban books think they can. Not only can they handle people in a book fighting battles or hunting their food - they can tell the difference between reality and fantasy.
*post title is poorly purloined from RIF-Man lyrics
23 January 2009
My Week
Tuesday: Mom had an appointment with her surgeon in B'ham so I picked Nettie up from school, brought her back to my office, then took her home and fed her.
Wednesday: Dad calls me at about 4:30 and says Mom's blood O2 sat is low and he's taking her to the ED, can I pick Nettie up after work? I pick her up, take her home (mine), feed her, and make her do her homework. Then I take her home (M&D&hers) so she can go to bed. Dad calls about the time she starts to almost settle in and asks if I can take Nettie to school in the morning because they are admitting Mom overnight for observation. Nettie and I return to my house and go to bed.
Thursday: I get Nettie up to shower; I shower; We both dress; I hurry her breakfest; get gas; drop Nettie at school; drive to work; and am only slightly later than what's been usual lately.
Dad calls mid-morning to say that Mom's had a small heart attack but is now doing fine. She'll go to the cath lab at 5. Can I take TR to her 1 o'clock appointment and then pick up Nettie? "Sure, I guess I'll just leave work at noon." Later he calls to say they decided to go ahead with the catherterization, he'll call when she gets out.
Around noon I leave work. I pick up some lunch, drive to Moundville to get TR, drive to town to drop her at Maude Whatley clinic, wait an hour, drive to Englewood to get Nettie, drive back to MWC, wait half an hour, drive TR to Moundville to her pharmacy, wait 40 minutes, drive her home, drive to the hospital with a breif stop to get food, finally get to see Mom. While driving to MWC the first time Dad calls and says Mom had 3 small blockages in the front of her heart all stinted now, she looked good heading to her room. About 5:15 Nettie and I get to the hospital.
My two older (half) brothers are there and a SIL. Bro1 and SIL leave (only suppose to be 2 visitors in the room), Bro1 might come back later. We sit with Mom, talk a little, I eat my Zalad. Bro2 decides later he's going to head home. He might make it back this weekend - being an accoutant (in B'ham) this is iffy in tax season, but he'll try (and his wife). Bro3, who is extranged from the 'rents, was called but didn't show. Nettie and I leave about 7. I drive her to her house she packs for two nights and days (she's spending the night at a freinds tonight) and we go to my house to sleep. I was exhausted. (If you've been keeping score that's 4 round trips to town for a total of around 100 miles.)
Friday: Woke Nettie up; woke myself up; both showered and dressed; hurried her breakfest; dropped her at school; almost forgot to write note saying she could go home with her friend; drove to work and was only normally (of late) late. I'm now at my desk trying to look like I'm doing work and hoping the day will just hurry up and end, because all I really want to do is go home, watch TV (not even read, really) and eat fattening comfort food.
Oh, and Mom's surgery scheduled for Monday may or may not be post-poned. The docs were going to decide that today.
WHOOPI.
Upate: Mom's spending another night.
Wednesday: Dad calls me at about 4:30 and says Mom's blood O2 sat is low and he's taking her to the ED, can I pick Nettie up after work? I pick her up, take her home (mine), feed her, and make her do her homework. Then I take her home (M&D&hers) so she can go to bed. Dad calls about the time she starts to almost settle in and asks if I can take Nettie to school in the morning because they are admitting Mom overnight for observation. Nettie and I return to my house and go to bed.
Thursday: I get Nettie up to shower; I shower; We both dress; I hurry her breakfest; get gas; drop Nettie at school; drive to work; and am only slightly later than what's been usual lately.
Dad calls mid-morning to say that Mom's had a small heart attack but is now doing fine. She'll go to the cath lab at 5. Can I take TR to her 1 o'clock appointment and then pick up Nettie? "Sure, I guess I'll just leave work at noon." Later he calls to say they decided to go ahead with the catherterization, he'll call when she gets out.
Around noon I leave work. I pick up some lunch, drive to Moundville to get TR, drive to town to drop her at Maude Whatley clinic, wait an hour, drive to Englewood to get Nettie, drive back to MWC, wait half an hour, drive TR to Moundville to her pharmacy, wait 40 minutes, drive her home, drive to the hospital with a breif stop to get food, finally get to see Mom. While driving to MWC the first time Dad calls and says Mom had 3 small blockages in the front of her heart all stinted now, she looked good heading to her room. About 5:15 Nettie and I get to the hospital.
My two older (half) brothers are there and a SIL. Bro1 and SIL leave (only suppose to be 2 visitors in the room), Bro1 might come back later. We sit with Mom, talk a little, I eat my Zalad. Bro2 decides later he's going to head home. He might make it back this weekend - being an accoutant (in B'ham) this is iffy in tax season, but he'll try (and his wife). Bro3, who is extranged from the 'rents, was called but didn't show. Nettie and I leave about 7. I drive her to her house she packs for two nights and days (she's spending the night at a freinds tonight) and we go to my house to sleep. I was exhausted. (If you've been keeping score that's 4 round trips to town for a total of around 100 miles.)
Friday: Woke Nettie up; woke myself up; both showered and dressed; hurried her breakfest; dropped her at school; almost forgot to write note saying she could go home with her friend; drove to work and was only normally (of late) late. I'm now at my desk trying to look like I'm doing work and hoping the day will just hurry up and end, because all I really want to do is go home, watch TV (not even read, really) and eat fattening comfort food.
Oh, and Mom's surgery scheduled for Monday may or may not be post-poned. The docs were going to decide that today.
WHOOPI.
Upate: Mom's spending another night.
21 January 2009
Random bits
1. Why can I change my password but not get sent my login name, DishNetwork??? (Which is apparently 1 letter short of the one I usually use)
2. Irish was all like "Mom, what are you doing? I don't want to be way up - oh, food.":)
3. Wow, does Ed's car look bad. And weird since it's been a while since I was somewhere with salted roads, or even close enough to such a place that I saw cars covered in road salt occasionally.
4. "Don't eat pork, don't eat bats, don't eat beetles, bugs, or gnats...Put four tassels on your cloak...A message from the Lord."
5. I can be a little anal about maps, precision, and accuracy; this can sometimes make my job unnecessarily difficult. But not as anal as the Kentucky Survey they report well locations as DD.xxxxxxxxxx0! (That's to less than a millimeter.)
6. My parent's are OLD.
7. (related to 6) Mom's surgery is Monday. They'll be doing it vaginally so at least the recovery shouldn't be too bad or long. Except for the anesthesia which will take about 6 months to completely clear her system if past experiences are repeated. Nettie gets to spend Sunday night with me.
8. At this rate I'll be back at Circuit City hoping they have an even better deal on Season 5 of Buffy. (Season 4 started $5 less than at B&N plus 10% off. The cashier had to enter the discounted prices manually!)
9. I should really get back to work.
10. If I start digging here I end up in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Danke, Maple Leaf.
2. Irish was all like "Mom, what are you doing? I don't want to be way up - oh, food.":)
3. Wow, does Ed's car look bad. And weird since it's been a while since I was somewhere with salted roads, or even close enough to such a place that I saw cars covered in road salt occasionally.
4. "Don't eat pork, don't eat bats, don't eat beetles, bugs, or gnats...Put four tassels on your cloak...A message from the Lord."
5. I can be a little anal about maps, precision, and accuracy; this can sometimes make my job unnecessarily difficult. But not as anal as the Kentucky Survey they report well locations as DD.xxxxxxxxxx0! (That's to less than a millimeter.)
6. My parent's are OLD.
7. (related to 6) Mom's surgery is Monday. They'll be doing it vaginally so at least the recovery shouldn't be too bad or long. Except for the anesthesia which will take about 6 months to completely clear her system if past experiences are repeated. Nettie gets to spend Sunday night with me.
8. At this rate I'll be back at Circuit City hoping they have an even better deal on Season 5 of Buffy. (Season 4 started $5 less than at B&N plus 10% off. The cashier had to enter the discounted prices manually!)
9. I should really get back to work.
10. If I start digging here I end up in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Danke, Maple Leaf.
21 November 2008
A performer, really?
The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.They don't know me too well, do they? I most definitely don't live in the preset moment (always thinking to much to notice it). I adore planning ahead (and/or obsessing about the past). I'm rarely at risk of exhausting myself (my favorite hobby is napping). I do like helping people but it's not my career. I do avoid conflict (like the plague!) and don't want to move into management but not because of the confrontation issue - it's all the paperwork and other BS. My boss spends probably half his time doing non-geology stuff. His boss doesn't do hardly any actual geology anymore, just administrative stuff that allows the rest of us to do geology.
The enjoy work that makes them able to help other people in a concrete and visible way. They tend to avoid conflicts and rarely initiate confrontation - qualities that can make it hard for them in management positions.
Good thing I don't put a whole lot of stock in these types of tests. They can be useful but only if you recognize their limitations and weaknesses. (If you want more on the subject talk to my mother, the educational psychologist.) At least the makers of this analyzer admit that it only tests what you write and suggest that you use it to think about how you write.
01 October 2008
Banned Book?
It's National Banned Book Week.
I believe that school libraries should have age appropriate books. First off, there are books with content that is appropriate for high schoolers that are not appropriate for elementary students. Secondly, they have limited resources and need to spend it on books the students can actually benefit from. I think librarians can figure out what books meet the above criteria, it's why we hire them. I don't believe in censoring the ideas in books.
Out of curiosity, I looked at several lists of challenged books* ('Challenge' is the polite library word for asking for a book to removed from the shelves and the process of getting books removed.) Many I understand why a parent (or whomever) challenged the book - sex, drugs, impolite language,... I don't agree but I understand why someone might object to the book. Some truly baffled me.
One group of books on the lists are 'what the hell is happening to me/your guide to puberty and adolescence' books. These aren't fiction books that a kid might think is interesting because of the back cover and then learn all about Heather's two mommies. How often did you peruse the human development section of your library as a preteen? Probably not often, unless you had questions which these types of books address. And you were probably directed there by someone (parent, teacher, counselor). Oddly enough (or not so) parents (and others) objected more often to informing girls about puberty and their bodies than boys.
"The Light in the Attic" is a book of often silly, sometimes profound, poetry written and illustrated Shel Silverstein. I'm going to have to get my copy out and read it because I can not figure out what could be so offensive to some overly sensitive reader in that book. Any of you guys have a guess?
I believe that school libraries should have age appropriate books. First off, there are books with content that is appropriate for high schoolers that are not appropriate for elementary students. Secondly, they have limited resources and need to spend it on books the students can actually benefit from. I think librarians can figure out what books meet the above criteria, it's why we hire them. I don't believe in censoring the ideas in books.
Out of curiosity, I looked at several lists of challenged books* ('Challenge' is the polite library word for asking for a book to removed from the shelves and the process of getting books removed.) Many I understand why a parent (or whomever) challenged the book - sex, drugs, impolite language,... I don't agree but I understand why someone might object to the book. Some truly baffled me.
One group of books on the lists are 'what the hell is happening to me/your guide to puberty and adolescence' books. These aren't fiction books that a kid might think is interesting because of the back cover and then learn all about Heather's two mommies. How often did you peruse the human development section of your library as a preteen? Probably not often, unless you had questions which these types of books address. And you were probably directed there by someone (parent, teacher, counselor). Oddly enough (or not so) parents (and others) objected more often to informing girls about puberty and their bodies than boys.
"The Light in the Attic" is a book of often silly, sometimes profound, poetry written and illustrated Shel Silverstein. I'm going to have to get my copy out and read it because I can not figure out what could be so offensive to some overly sensitive reader in that book. Any of you guys have a guess?
21 July 2008
But it beats the alternative
I just wrote about some of the physical challenges Mom's had the past couple of years. Her psychological challenges have been around most of her life.
For a good twenty years or so Mom responded well to her medication and did ok. The key for her turned out to be a very low does of lithium. Unfortunately, over time lithium damages the pancreas and results in diabetes. Luckily for Mom, when she stopped the lithium her diabetes became easier to control and finally disappeared (this isn't exactly common but not unheard of for people in her situation). Without lithium, it has been harder to control her depression. Unfortunately, some of the meds have made her loopy. Calm pleasant Mom is nice; Mom who can't hold a conversation, not so much.
A couple weeks ago Mom got lost in Sears. Dad dropped her at the door and went to park the car. They were suppose to meet at the cookie place. Mom couldn't figure out how to get from Sears to the mall. She knew Dad was suppose to meet her and he'd come find her, but she couldn't remember where she was going in the mall or where the mall entrance was. I don't know how long she actually wandered, it was long enough for two people to ask her if she needed some help ("No, thank you. I'm just looking for my husband.") and Dad to get the big cookie and come back and find her. She said as soon as she got in the car she could see the store layout in her head and knew how to get to the mall and realized she'd walked past the mall entrance multiple times.
I don't know if this was the medication or if something is really wrong. She thinks something is wrong. Yesterday, she was asking me what I'd do if she dies (to help my Dad with Nettie...Guess I'll have to start cooking again.) and then went over all the financial stuff that only effects me if they both die. She said she's losing more and more of her faculties (her word). Like I said before I think some of it is that she's not been reading and she's isolated. I also think some of it may be medication related. Some of it is the physical difficulties (back, knee,...) affecting her mind and vice versa. Some of it actually early signs of dementia? She's 10 years younger than her mother was when she first started to lose it.
I decided last night that I need to start actually speaking up instead of just nodding my head. I need to ask her when does she see the optometrist and psychiatrist next. I need to ask her when she last had her hearing checked (she's having problems on the phone). Has she thought about a therapist? When the meds worked great she didn't need one, but maybe now she does.
I also rededicated myself to being a better sister (& third parent) to Nettie. I need to do more stuff with her. Take her camping, swimming, hiking, on day-trips...all the stuff my parents did with Pat and me but are too old to do now.
For a good twenty years or so Mom responded well to her medication and did ok. The key for her turned out to be a very low does of lithium. Unfortunately, over time lithium damages the pancreas and results in diabetes. Luckily for Mom, when she stopped the lithium her diabetes became easier to control and finally disappeared (this isn't exactly common but not unheard of for people in her situation). Without lithium, it has been harder to control her depression. Unfortunately, some of the meds have made her loopy. Calm pleasant Mom is nice; Mom who can't hold a conversation, not so much.
A couple weeks ago Mom got lost in Sears. Dad dropped her at the door and went to park the car. They were suppose to meet at the cookie place. Mom couldn't figure out how to get from Sears to the mall. She knew Dad was suppose to meet her and he'd come find her, but she couldn't remember where she was going in the mall or where the mall entrance was. I don't know how long she actually wandered, it was long enough for two people to ask her if she needed some help ("No, thank you. I'm just looking for my husband.") and Dad to get the big cookie and come back and find her. She said as soon as she got in the car she could see the store layout in her head and knew how to get to the mall and realized she'd walked past the mall entrance multiple times.
I don't know if this was the medication or if something is really wrong. She thinks something is wrong. Yesterday, she was asking me what I'd do if she dies (to help my Dad with Nettie...Guess I'll have to start cooking again.) and then went over all the financial stuff that only effects me if they both die. She said she's losing more and more of her faculties (her word). Like I said before I think some of it is that she's not been reading and she's isolated. I also think some of it may be medication related. Some of it is the physical difficulties (back, knee,...) affecting her mind and vice versa. Some of it actually early signs of dementia? She's 10 years younger than her mother was when she first started to lose it.
I decided last night that I need to start actually speaking up instead of just nodding my head. I need to ask her when does she see the optometrist and psychiatrist next. I need to ask her when she last had her hearing checked (she's having problems on the phone). Has she thought about a therapist? When the meds worked great she didn't need one, but maybe now she does.
I also rededicated myself to being a better sister (& third parent) to Nettie. I need to do more stuff with her. Take her camping, swimming, hiking, on day-trips...all the stuff my parents did with Pat and me but are too old to do now.
Getting old sucks,
The other day I rambled about the unimportant things freaking me out. Now I'd like to ramble about some not-so unimportant things. My dad turned 80 May 24. My mom will be 69 on August 26 (don't tell her I told). My father is in generally much better health. He's has some significant hearing lose but won't/can't wear a hearing aid (too much background noise that he can't mentally filter) and is more forgetful than he'll admit but other than that he's good. Mom's not so lucky.
Recently, as in the last couple of years there has been a string of medical problems, none serious in its self but that together make her, well, old. She had to have her gall bladder removed and attempts at compensating for that, according to dr's recommendation, later turned out to give her more digestive problems rather than less. Her back problems (on going since her 20s) have gotten better and worse; generally better when she goes to PT and worse when she stops going and will exercise at home. Currently her back is not so good and she can't exercise because her knee is given her fits. The real kicker though was the macular pucker - it didn't just affect her vision, it prevented her from reading, driving, walking with confidence,...basically all everyday activities. The pucker, recovery time, and a cataract left her mostly unable to read for over a year(it was in her dominant right eye). And she still has trouble reading, but she doesn't know why yet. Amazingly someone we know had a reader that had been her mother's, who had had macular degeneration, and she gave it to my Mom. (The reader is similar to an opaque projector. You put the book or newspaper in it and it projects the page really big on a screen.)
Reading was Mom's primary mental exercise. She's bad at crosswords and doesn't like logic puzzles like sudoku. But she's a reader. Not being able to read has been hard on her. It has also limited her horizons somewhat. (For example, her listening to news programs all day during the primaries just about drove the rest of us crazy!) Her horizons will expand again but that mental exercise was lost. She's much more forgetful, I hope that'll get better as she can read more. As she realizes she can read more. I think right now she's still in the "I hate not being able to read" mode and is only occasionally delighted when she remembers the reader. She was like a kid in a candy store with a blank check when she first read the newspaper with it. (And that was the Tuscaloosa News, I was surprised she found that much to read!) I installed Firefox and the Accessibar extension on her laptop. Being able to easily zoom in and out will help her a lot. (Yes ctrl+, works but she's not going to remember that, having a button that says 'zoom in' she'll use.) If the background and text color changer will work (works on my work computer, didn't on hers last night), that'll help on any page she's trying to read something long on. (Black on white has high contrast but glare.)
Recently, as in the last couple of years there has been a string of medical problems, none serious in its self but that together make her, well, old. She had to have her gall bladder removed and attempts at compensating for that, according to dr's recommendation, later turned out to give her more digestive problems rather than less. Her back problems (on going since her 20s) have gotten better and worse; generally better when she goes to PT and worse when she stops going and will exercise at home. Currently her back is not so good and she can't exercise because her knee is given her fits. The real kicker though was the macular pucker - it didn't just affect her vision, it prevented her from reading, driving, walking with confidence,...basically all everyday activities. The pucker, recovery time, and a cataract left her mostly unable to read for over a year(it was in her dominant right eye). And she still has trouble reading, but she doesn't know why yet. Amazingly someone we know had a reader that had been her mother's, who had had macular degeneration, and she gave it to my Mom. (The reader is similar to an opaque projector. You put the book or newspaper in it and it projects the page really big on a screen.)
Reading was Mom's primary mental exercise. She's bad at crosswords and doesn't like logic puzzles like sudoku. But she's a reader. Not being able to read has been hard on her. It has also limited her horizons somewhat. (For example, her listening to news programs all day during the primaries just about drove the rest of us crazy!) Her horizons will expand again but that mental exercise was lost. She's much more forgetful, I hope that'll get better as she can read more. As she realizes she can read more. I think right now she's still in the "I hate not being able to read" mode and is only occasionally delighted when she remembers the reader. She was like a kid in a candy store with a blank check when she first read the newspaper with it. (And that was the Tuscaloosa News, I was surprised she found that much to read!) I installed Firefox and the Accessibar extension on her laptop. Being able to easily zoom in and out will help her a lot. (Yes ctrl+, works but she's not going to remember that, having a button that says 'zoom in' she'll use.) If the background and text color changer will work (works on my work computer, didn't on hers last night), that'll help on any page she's trying to read something long on. (Black on white has high contrast but glare.)
12 July 2008
It's Panic Time.
Will you indulge me as I ramble about the relatively inconsequential things freaking me out today? Thanks.
Last night I got a manicure and pedicure. The pedicure was ok. It wasn't the most self-indulgent luxurious thing I've ever done but someone else painted my toenails. Also, I don't know if I kicked something and don't remember it or if the girl managed to bruise the top of my foot. The manicure wasn't worth it. Not only did she not do a good job shaping my nails but I found a hang nail on the way home and had two nails that she didn't get fully painted. Now I know clear polish makes it harder to see mistakes but I saw them while driving! Also, apparently I can't keep polish unchipped or peeling for more than a couple of hours even when professionally applied. It is kind of neat when you can pull a whole nail's worth of polish off the base coat in one piece. Last night I was thinking I could fix just those two nails, now I'm going to have to strip it all off and reapply in the car to Birmingham.
A few weeks ago it was fun to go looking for something to wear to my niece's wedding. It was fun to look for something pretty and slightly fancy and not the kind of thing I normally wear. As this week as progressed I've been more and more worried if what I was planning on wearing was really "right" I can't put my finger on why it wouldn't be but...This morning I started trying to figure out what else I could wear. Is there another top I could wear with the skirt? I could wear what I originally thought I'd wear, maybe, but that's not very dressy. By the time I got in the shower my mind was in double time trying to decide. Do I go with safe, unobtrusive, plain Jane and not really dressy enough or something that might draw attention to me? If people look at me I might have to crawl under a pew.
Then I started thinking about the reception. OMG, strangers! Again, last week and early this week it was fun to think about the possibility that my niece and her fiance had some cute, possibly slightly older, friend who would sweep me off my feet. Or at least ask me to dance. Today, part of me is wishing I could skip the reception. If history is any guide I won't speak to anyone I don't already know and will, at best, stand at the fringes of the dance floor (read: against the wall) and sway to the music.
I managed to get upset enough about this that I was crying in the shower. If I think about it much now, I may start again. I'm still not sure what I'm going to wear and I have about an hour and a half before we leave. When I start freaking out about going to a TBDC dance I can just not go, that's not really an option with this.
One of the very few social events I'll attend this year that isn't work related or involve a family member's birthday and I'm falling to pieces. I think I need a drink.
Last night I got a manicure and pedicure. The pedicure was ok. It wasn't the most self-indulgent luxurious thing I've ever done but someone else painted my toenails. Also, I don't know if I kicked something and don't remember it or if the girl managed to bruise the top of my foot. The manicure wasn't worth it. Not only did she not do a good job shaping my nails but I found a hang nail on the way home and had two nails that she didn't get fully painted. Now I know clear polish makes it harder to see mistakes but I saw them while driving! Also, apparently I can't keep polish unchipped or peeling for more than a couple of hours even when professionally applied. It is kind of neat when you can pull a whole nail's worth of polish off the base coat in one piece. Last night I was thinking I could fix just those two nails, now I'm going to have to strip it all off and reapply in the car to Birmingham.
A few weeks ago it was fun to go looking for something to wear to my niece's wedding. It was fun to look for something pretty and slightly fancy and not the kind of thing I normally wear. As this week as progressed I've been more and more worried if what I was planning on wearing was really "right" I can't put my finger on why it wouldn't be but...This morning I started trying to figure out what else I could wear. Is there another top I could wear with the skirt? I could wear what I originally thought I'd wear, maybe, but that's not very dressy. By the time I got in the shower my mind was in double time trying to decide. Do I go with safe, unobtrusive, plain Jane and not really dressy enough or something that might draw attention to me? If people look at me I might have to crawl under a pew.
Then I started thinking about the reception. OMG, strangers! Again, last week and early this week it was fun to think about the possibility that my niece and her fiance had some cute, possibly slightly older, friend who would sweep me off my feet. Or at least ask me to dance. Today, part of me is wishing I could skip the reception. If history is any guide I won't speak to anyone I don't already know and will, at best, stand at the fringes of the dance floor (read: against the wall) and sway to the music.
I managed to get upset enough about this that I was crying in the shower. If I think about it much now, I may start again. I'm still not sure what I'm going to wear and I have about an hour and a half before we leave. When I start freaking out about going to a TBDC dance I can just not go, that's not really an option with this.
One of the very few social events I'll attend this year that isn't work related or involve a family member's birthday and I'm falling to pieces. I think I need a drink.
25 June 2008
Change
So, every once in a while I think "I'm just going to do X" or "I'm not going to Y any more" or something along those lines. Then I start trying to figure out how to do X or not do Y and the plan falls apart. I don't know how to be(act/think/feel/...) different(ly) than I do, how I always have (or at least so long that I can't remember what it was like before). I actually had a therapist say "you need to just stop doing that*" and I sat and looked at her thinking "well, DUH, but how?".
That's what I always come back to - but how?
There are so many things about myself I wish were different but I don't know how to fix them and the inertia is high. I am a basically lazy person. It's so easy to allow inertia to just carry you forward and not try.
Oh, in case you were wondering - no, I didn't go to the dance Saturday (but I did renew my membership for the year). Going to the ball would have required thinking about what I was going to wear (fun in the abstract but stressful in actuality; what could I wear vs. what am I going to wear), doing my hair and make-up (why do I bother?), and, the biggie, psyching myself up to spend a few hours with a bunch of strangers (who if history is any guide (and what else do I have to go on?) I won't talk to or get asked to dance, except perhaps by the guy who apparently can't count to 4). It was much easier and less stressful to sit around the house, read, watch a movie, and practice knitting.
*specifically she was telling me I needed to stop focusing on the past. What, am I suppose to ignore what's happened in the past and just expect everything to be magically different? She wasn't the best (match for me) therapist I had at the University's Psych dept. clinic.
That's what I always come back to - but how?
There are so many things about myself I wish were different but I don't know how to fix them and the inertia is high. I am a basically lazy person. It's so easy to allow inertia to just carry you forward and not try.
Oh, in case you were wondering - no, I didn't go to the dance Saturday (but I did renew my membership for the year). Going to the ball would have required thinking about what I was going to wear (fun in the abstract but stressful in actuality; what could I wear vs. what am I going to wear), doing my hair and make-up (why do I bother?), and, the biggie, psyching myself up to spend a few hours with a bunch of strangers (who if history is any guide (and what else do I have to go on?) I won't talk to or get asked to dance, except perhaps by the guy who apparently can't count to 4). It was much easier and less stressful to sit around the house, read, watch a movie, and practice knitting.
*specifically she was telling me I needed to stop focusing on the past. What, am I suppose to ignore what's happened in the past and just expect everything to be magically different? She wasn't the best (match for me) therapist I had at the University's Psych dept. clinic.
06 May 2008
Funereal Thoughts
Sunday while Mom, Nettie, and I were at my niece's shower* (along with lots of other people) her father and brother were at a funeral. A good friend of my nephew's had been battling leukemia for several years. My nephew, who buried his grandfather last weekend, was a pallbearer this weekend. I can't even begin to say how much that sucks.
The shower and the funerals got me thinking about a few things.
First, about how even though I've lived in the same town as them (well, basically) for the last 15 years I don't see them that often. And I'm not an integral part of their lives. Their mother's sisters are but not me. I guess it's because we didn't live here for so long. I wish I did know them better.
I find leaving the funeral of someone I didn't know really well I wish I had. Obviously no one says anything bad about the deceased at the funeral but I've been to a couple of funerals where the stories told were a bit surprising to me because they didn't fit with how I knew the person. They made me wish I'd known the person in that way too. I was also at a funeral once where I left wishing I'd known the deceased better because all the stories just reinforced my knowledge that he was just a really really nice guy.
Lastly, isn't it ironic that the sickest people sometimes can't get into drug trials? You have to be pretty bad off to be considered for many experimental treatments, particularly for cancers, but if you're too bad off you are too sick to try it. I understand the reasoning but it just seems strange some how.
Enough gloominess, it's lovely outside and the student's will be gone in a few days. Campus is so much nicer without them.:D
* The loot! OMG! Too bad they aren't they aren't living in their house yet. They'll have to store the stuff for a few weeks somewhere.
The shower and the funerals got me thinking about a few things.
First, about how even though I've lived in the same town as them (well, basically) for the last 15 years I don't see them that often. And I'm not an integral part of their lives. Their mother's sisters are but not me. I guess it's because we didn't live here for so long. I wish I did know them better.
I find leaving the funeral of someone I didn't know really well I wish I had. Obviously no one says anything bad about the deceased at the funeral but I've been to a couple of funerals where the stories told were a bit surprising to me because they didn't fit with how I knew the person. They made me wish I'd known the person in that way too. I was also at a funeral once where I left wishing I'd known the deceased better because all the stories just reinforced my knowledge that he was just a really really nice guy.
Lastly, isn't it ironic that the sickest people sometimes can't get into drug trials? You have to be pretty bad off to be considered for many experimental treatments, particularly for cancers, but if you're too bad off you are too sick to try it. I understand the reasoning but it just seems strange some how.
Enough gloominess, it's lovely outside and the student's will be gone in a few days. Campus is so much nicer without them.:D
* The loot! OMG! Too bad they aren't they aren't living in their house yet. They'll have to store the stuff for a few weeks somewhere.
26 March 2008
Positive and Negative
I was just sitting here wondering why am I so good at picking at the things I don't like about myself and so bad at thinking about the things I do like. (I feel like I'm beginning to repeat myself. I checked some old posts and I don't think I've written this post before.) I am very good at "negative self-talk" (as my ex-shrinks would say), really really amazingly good. And colossally bad at positive self-talk.
Ya' see, trash talk comes easily, naturally, to that little voice in my head. Usually by the time I realize what it's saying I'm already heading for the pint of of ice cream and bed. Sometimes it comes out of no where - one day I woke up in a pretty good mood, then my mind started wandering on the way into work and by the time I got there I felt like a completely unlovable loser. Other times I start kind of 'meh' feeling or something happens to kick off the downward spiral of mood.
Positive self-talk is deliberate. I have to think up nice things to say about myself. And it just feels silly to sit around and think up nice things to say. It feels silly to sit there and say them to myself. And I don't believe them. If I've been beating myself up long enough to notice, I'm already feeling so bad that everything nice I could say about myself sounds hollow, false.
The only guaranteed way I know of to shut up the voice is to go to sleep. Reading doesn't always work but it usually does. Neither challenges the validity of the criticisms.
Why can I explain this so well here but never could to my therapists?
Ya' see, trash talk comes easily, naturally, to that little voice in my head. Usually by the time I realize what it's saying I'm already heading for the pint of of ice cream and bed. Sometimes it comes out of no where - one day I woke up in a pretty good mood, then my mind started wandering on the way into work and by the time I got there I felt like a completely unlovable loser. Other times I start kind of 'meh' feeling or something happens to kick off the downward spiral of mood.
Positive self-talk is deliberate. I have to think up nice things to say about myself. And it just feels silly to sit around and think up nice things to say. It feels silly to sit there and say them to myself. And I don't believe them. If I've been beating myself up long enough to notice, I'm already feeling so bad that everything nice I could say about myself sounds hollow, false.
The only guaranteed way I know of to shut up the voice is to go to sleep. Reading doesn't always work but it usually does. Neither challenges the validity of the criticisms.
Why can I explain this so well here but never could to my therapists?
18 February 2008
Grumpy Old Me
I'm the one who suggested the "grumpy old man" post for the blog challenge. Inspired by a discussion on what one can get for 25 cents with my little sister. A quarter will get you one of those stale hollow gum balls from the gumball machine stand at the mall. When I was her age I could get a better gum ball for two pennies. (Or maybe I only remember them as better.:)) Does anyone else remember "Where's the Beef" gum? Or the Wendy's ad campaign that name was stolen from?
(Speaking of fast food, anyone out there remember the Roy Rogers? I don't know if they were national or just regional. When they were bought by Hardee's (Where'd you think they Hardee's learned to fry chicken?) the one in Vienna changed thier signage but the interior decor didn't change. They didn't even tke down the portrait of Roy. My friends and I called the Roy-Hardee's.)
Anyway, this isn't what I really meant but, oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
Sometime I wonder if I'm really better on anti-depressants. Sure, I can go to the grocery store or worship at the Wall of Mart (I avoid it like the plaque, but sometimes I have to go.) any day of the week, no psyching up required; I can speak in public without risk of hyperventilating (although I talk so fast it's amazing I don't anyway); I can eat by myself at almost any resturant, but I still perfer to only at certain places; the wall between me and other people isn't a cement-filled cinder block one anymore. There are some other things, too, but that's gives you the idea.
Thing is I still feel alone in a crowd; the wall is still there; most of the time I'd rather go to lunch by myself than with just my boss because there wouldn't be anyone else to talk, other times I go to lunch with the group and feel alone; I still don't know how to meet people; I still watch stupid made-for-TV rom/coms and get depressed because I don't have any writers on my side...
It's never bothered me to be by myself. Occasionally nw I want to be around people but if I go out I'm very aware that I'm alone and end up feeling worse. Used to be, I wouldn't have even considered going out. Before the meds I was numb most of the time and shoved my emotions in the closet only to have burst out everyonce in while. Now I don't know that I feel anything most of the time. Except when I feel crappy and fragile, and shit tumbles out anyway. I still wonder what it'd be like if the wall between me and others was real, something everyone could see, acknowledge, and then move around instead of just in my head.
Sometimes I wonder if this is really better. Am I really better?
(Speaking of fast food, anyone out there remember the Roy Rogers? I don't know if they were national or just regional. When they were bought by Hardee's (Where'd you think they Hardee's learned to fry chicken?) the one in Vienna changed thier signage but the interior decor didn't change. They didn't even tke down the portrait of Roy. My friends and I called the Roy-Hardee's.)
Anyway, this isn't what I really meant but, oh well, that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.
Sometime I wonder if I'm really better on anti-depressants. Sure, I can go to the grocery store or worship at the Wall of Mart (I avoid it like the plaque, but sometimes I have to go.) any day of the week, no psyching up required; I can speak in public without risk of hyperventilating (although I talk so fast it's amazing I don't anyway); I can eat by myself at almost any resturant, but I still perfer to only at certain places; the wall between me and other people isn't a cement-filled cinder block one anymore. There are some other things, too, but that's gives you the idea.
Thing is I still feel alone in a crowd; the wall is still there; most of the time I'd rather go to lunch by myself than with just my boss because there wouldn't be anyone else to talk, other times I go to lunch with the group and feel alone; I still don't know how to meet people; I still watch stupid made-for-TV rom/coms and get depressed because I don't have any writers on my side...
It's never bothered me to be by myself. Occasionally nw I want to be around people but if I go out I'm very aware that I'm alone and end up feeling worse. Used to be, I wouldn't have even considered going out. Before the meds I was numb most of the time and shoved my emotions in the closet only to have burst out everyonce in while. Now I don't know that I feel anything most of the time. Except when I feel crappy and fragile, and shit tumbles out anyway. I still wonder what it'd be like if the wall between me and others was real, something everyone could see, acknowledge, and then move around instead of just in my head.
Sometimes I wonder if this is really better. Am I really better?
06 December 2007
We've come a long way, Baby!
Backwards, that is.
Here's a transcript of Kennedy's speech explaining why his Catholicism shouldn't be an issue in the election. A really short summary would be: Separation of Church and State should (and will with me) be absolute. I don't speak for the Church and they don't speak for me. There are bigger issues at stake.
Now, at least half of the candidates seeking nomination use their faith to court voters. They will (or at least say they will) make decisions based on their faith. Some of our current elected officials have even made decisions based on their faith and not on the Constitution.
Different religions often emphasize similar values and those common values are ones I think are good ones for elected officials to ascribe to and want to bring to the office. (Talking about honesty, peace, charity, stewardship, tolerance . I didn't say all sects of all religions emphasize all of them.) Therefore, I have no problem with an elected official being religious. I have no problem if their faith informs their decision making. BUT in the end whether to sign or veto a bill, whether to normalize relations with a country, whatever, has to be decided on the best interests of the country and the constitutionality of it, not whether your pastor (rabbi, imam, priest, guru,...) says it is right.
Here's a transcript of Kennedy's speech explaining why his Catholicism shouldn't be an issue in the election. A really short summary would be: Separation of Church and State should (and will with me) be absolute. I don't speak for the Church and they don't speak for me. There are bigger issues at stake.
Now, at least half of the candidates seeking nomination use their faith to court voters. They will (or at least say they will) make decisions based on their faith. Some of our current elected officials have even made decisions based on their faith and not on the Constitution.
Different religions often emphasize similar values and those common values are ones I think are good ones for elected officials to ascribe to and want to bring to the office. (Talking about honesty, peace, charity, stewardship, tolerance . I didn't say all sects of all religions emphasize all of them.) Therefore, I have no problem with an elected official being religious. I have no problem if their faith informs their decision making. BUT in the end whether to sign or veto a bill, whether to normalize relations with a country, whatever, has to be decided on the best interests of the country and the constitutionality of it, not whether your pastor (rabbi, imam, priest, guru,...) says it is right.
03 December 2007
OMG, WTF is wrong with the world?
This weekend I finally got the story on why a good friend of my mother's daughter is now being home-schooled and heard about what happened to her son, too. And OMG WTF?!?!?!?
First the son's story. (It's shorter.) He was hanging out with some friends from high school and one of them spiked his drink with something. He spent a week in the hospital. The doctors don't know what it was. He's been unable to work or go to school because he can't concentrate and now he's severely depressed. He's spending December in the hospital's psychiatric ward. Hopefully he'll be able to function in the new year. He was allowed to medically withdraw from school, so at least it won't hurt his GPA. Guys, don't leave your drink unattended, don't accept open drinks from other people. (Apparently, this information isn't just for young ladies anymore.)
Now the daughter, I'll call her C. C was attending one of the City's high schools and doing well. She's a good kid. A few weeks ago she was in a fight and ended up at the hospital with her scalp. split open. The other girl claimed C jumped her for no reason and the next day expulsion proceedings were begun on C. (The other girl was suspended for 2 or 3 days.) C tells her mother that she didn't know what hit her, she didn't start it, she doesn't know what it was about.... Since C is a basically a good kid and the other girl hasn't a scratch on her, C's mom is suspicious about the official story. When she finds out that the school is going to expel C, she is furious. She meets with the principal who tells her that there are no witnesses, the security
cameras don't actually work, and the other girl said C jumped her. End of story. C's Mom is very suspicious, as she's been in the school a lot and the halls are never completely empty. This all sounds very fishy, but she has no proof.
Then a teacher calls C's Mom and says she resigned over this but is afraid to speak publicly. The former teacher wants to meet at Wal-mart. When they meet, the teacher tells C's Mom that there were witnesses, a bunch of them, the other girl jumped C without warning, and it was a gang initiation. Now C's Mom goes to legal aid and tells the story. Legal aid lawyer goes to the school and gets a copy of the security tape (which does work after all). The tape shows not only multiple student witnesses but teachers and the principal either witnessing the fight or there immediately afterwards (e.i. completely aware that there were witnesses). Now the other girl is expelled and the school board reverses their expulsion of C. But C now refuses to set foot in the school (I don't blame her.). So C's Mom pulls her out for the rest of the year, to be home schooled, and isn't sure about next year. Meanwhile the principal at the school, who lied about the incident, is still there.
WTF is up with our schools? The city has reorganized the schools in the last few years in ways that have messed them up and re-segregated them, but this? This is beyond the pale.
First the son's story. (It's shorter.) He was hanging out with some friends from high school and one of them spiked his drink with something. He spent a week in the hospital. The doctors don't know what it was. He's been unable to work or go to school because he can't concentrate and now he's severely depressed. He's spending December in the hospital's psychiatric ward. Hopefully he'll be able to function in the new year. He was allowed to medically withdraw from school, so at least it won't hurt his GPA. Guys, don't leave your drink unattended, don't accept open drinks from other people. (Apparently, this information isn't just for young ladies anymore.)
Now the daughter, I'll call her C. C was attending one of the City's high schools and doing well. She's a good kid. A few weeks ago she was in a fight and ended up at the hospital with her scalp. split open. The other girl claimed C jumped her for no reason and the next day expulsion proceedings were begun on C. (The other girl was suspended for 2 or 3 days.) C tells her mother that she didn't know what hit her, she didn't start it, she doesn't know what it was about.... Since C is a basically a good kid and the other girl hasn't a scratch on her, C's mom is suspicious about the official story. When she finds out that the school is going to expel C, she is furious. She meets with the principal who tells her that there are no witnesses, the security
cameras don't actually work, and the other girl said C jumped her. End of story. C's Mom is very suspicious, as she's been in the school a lot and the halls are never completely empty. This all sounds very fishy, but she has no proof.
Then a teacher calls C's Mom and says she resigned over this but is afraid to speak publicly. The former teacher wants to meet at Wal-mart. When they meet, the teacher tells C's Mom that there were witnesses, a bunch of them, the other girl jumped C without warning, and it was a gang initiation. Now C's Mom goes to legal aid and tells the story. Legal aid lawyer goes to the school and gets a copy of the security tape (which does work after all). The tape shows not only multiple student witnesses but teachers and the principal either witnessing the fight or there immediately afterwards (e.i. completely aware that there were witnesses). Now the other girl is expelled and the school board reverses their expulsion of C. But C now refuses to set foot in the school (I don't blame her.). So C's Mom pulls her out for the rest of the year, to be home schooled, and isn't sure about next year. Meanwhile the principal at the school, who lied about the incident, is still there.
WTF is up with our schools? The city has reorganized the schools in the last few years in ways that have messed them up and re-segregated them, but this? This is beyond the pale.
30 November 2007
Church, part 4 (final installment)
On to the biggie - The Nature of God.
Warning: Logic and internal consistency may not exist in the following. I'm OK with that.
So, I believe that God exists. That's as far as I can get with certainty.
Is he eternal? Sort of? Only to the extent that the universe if infinitely old (to our reckoning) and will exist infinitely long (by our reckoning). But the universe isn't actually eternal, it had a beginning and, if I'm up to date on my astrophysics, will end one day. Did God exist before the universe? If not, how'd he come to being? I don't know. I like to imagine him a mad scientist who created the Big Bang and has watched the development with great interest.
I don't think God directly controls things. Maybe he got bored with the dinosaurs and decided to see what would happen if he tweaked gravity just enough to pull a comet into our orbit; maybe not. I believe he is capable of controlling every atom in existence but doesn't. I have a friend who believes that God's plan is absolute and we can not deviate, we think we are in control but He knows what is going to happen. I think, why would He do that? It'd be much more interesting to watch events unfold. (Yes, I want God to be like me and anthropomorphize Him a lot. It is only human to do so.) I'm not always sure God realizes we exist here. He does have an entire universe to look after. But I think he does, most of the time.
If God doesn't follow our lives in detail and doesn't make the world run, why pray? Because prayer is for us. By asking for God's help, we often remove the burden from ourselves. And he may whisper in our dreams helpful hints and words of encouragement. Because admitting our own faults allows us to acknowledge them and move on. Because giving praise lifts the spirit. (Can you not smile while singing "Joy to the World"?) God's not going to heal someone because you asked but you will feel like you have helped. I don't believe in praying for material or small stuff. When I pray for someone (or myself) I usually pray for peace of mind, strength, acceptance and the like. Not a good hair day, good parking space, etc. OMG, He has better things to worry about and so do you.
Finally - God is not male or female. He has no face, no body. She is everywhere and in everything you see and feel, especially the good things.
Warning: Logic and internal consistency may not exist in the following. I'm OK with that.
So, I believe that God exists. That's as far as I can get with certainty.
Is he eternal? Sort of? Only to the extent that the universe if infinitely old (to our reckoning) and will exist infinitely long (by our reckoning). But the universe isn't actually eternal, it had a beginning and, if I'm up to date on my astrophysics, will end one day. Did God exist before the universe? If not, how'd he come to being? I don't know. I like to imagine him a mad scientist who created the Big Bang and has watched the development with great interest.
I don't think God directly controls things. Maybe he got bored with the dinosaurs and decided to see what would happen if he tweaked gravity just enough to pull a comet into our orbit; maybe not. I believe he is capable of controlling every atom in existence but doesn't. I have a friend who believes that God's plan is absolute and we can not deviate, we think we are in control but He knows what is going to happen. I think, why would He do that? It'd be much more interesting to watch events unfold. (Yes, I want God to be like me and anthropomorphize Him a lot. It is only human to do so.) I'm not always sure God realizes we exist here. He does have an entire universe to look after. But I think he does, most of the time.
If God doesn't follow our lives in detail and doesn't make the world run, why pray? Because prayer is for us. By asking for God's help, we often remove the burden from ourselves. And he may whisper in our dreams helpful hints and words of encouragement. Because admitting our own faults allows us to acknowledge them and move on. Because giving praise lifts the spirit. (Can you not smile while singing "Joy to the World"?) God's not going to heal someone because you asked but you will feel like you have helped. I don't believe in praying for material or small stuff. When I pray for someone (or myself) I usually pray for peace of mind, strength, acceptance and the like. Not a good hair day, good parking space, etc. OMG, He has better things to worry about and so do you.
Finally - God is not male or female. He has no face, no body. She is everywhere and in everything you see and feel, especially the good things.
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